One penny
by 5Mississippis
Summary: Set after The Lunar Excitation, Sheldon helps a drunk Leonard.


One penny …

Set after The Lunar Excitation, Sheldon helps a drunk Leonard

Friendship

Leonard and Sheldon

"Oh dear Lord," Sheldon exclaimed as he flicked the bathroom switch to 'on' and the light revealed the tableau before him.

Leonard had passed out while kneeling in front of the toilet. His head was turned towards the bowl and the left side of his face was stuck to the porcelain. Drool from his open mouth drizzled down into the commode to mix with the emesis already floating there. His arms dangled at his sides. And his glasses, removed so they wouldn't fall into the water while he expelled his stomach contents, lay just out of reach by his right hand.

"Leonard," Sheldon said loudly.

No reaction.

"Leonard," he said more sharply, which only produced a deep breath and a faint groan from his roommate. Then nothing.

"Leonard!" Sheldon yelled and for added effect, began clapping his hands by the smaller man's right ear.

The result this time was an irritated groan and movement as Leonard raised his hand in a feeble attempt to swat away the annoying sound. His arm fell limply by his side.

"Leonard! Wake up!" Sheldon continued with the clapping.

"What?" The dazed reply echoed around the bowl.

"I have to urinate."

"So pee."

"I can't. Your head is in the bowl. And your breathing toilet air."

"Huh?"

This information was confusing and unexpected.

Curiosity made Leonard open his eyes, blinking as he desperately and ineffectively tried to focus. He could not figure out where he was or what had happened. Like his vision, his memories were a blur but the pains in his body were crystal clear. He'd start with that, the easier part. He began to process and catalogue the multiple hurts: head, pounding; left side of face and jaw, a slicing pressure type of pain; neck, twisted and aching; mouth, bile taste at throat; stomach, roiling with nausea; legs, pins and needle sensations down to the feet.

"Ow. Ow. Ow."

Leonard began the labored process of trying to shift his body to alleviate the pains. He lifted hands to the porcelain rim and straightened his arms. The peeling sound of the adhesive bond breaking between the toilet and his face filled the room. He managed to get his torso upright but his knees wouldn't cooperate. Try as he might, he couldn't get his legs under him. Leonard collapsed, falling onto his left side with a thud, his head resting on his arm. As he lay there, Leonard made a mental note that he had never seen the bathroom from this angle before.

All 6'2" of his blurry roommate loomed over him. He didn't know what he had done and he couldn't see the look on Sheldon's face but he could tell that he was disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Sheldon."

Leonard lifted his right hand, rubbed his aching head, and then kept it over his eyes to block out the piercing light. He couldn't remember … just what had happened? The tiniest threads of vague memories taunted him, just dangling outside of his full awareness. He mentally tried to grab them but they just kept slipping away.

He opened a bleary eye and peeked through his fingers. He spotted a fuzzy Sheldon pacing above him and ranting. Sheldon was always ranting. Ranting. Ranting. Ranting. Leonard tried to focus on what Sheldon was saying but as he enjoined the diatribe mid- rant, he had no idea what he was going on about. A host of jumbled words and sentence bits floated down on him to where he lay puddled on the floor.

" … hypovolemic … dehydrated … hypotensive … bilious emesis … small man but compact and well muscled … I remember that when I saw you naked … can't carry you … Good, Lord Leonard … I may have to touch you and there is vomitus on your jacket … yet another violation of the Roommate Agreement … will never learn … need to start imposing fines … two pairs, not one but two pairs of gloves … a sterilizing scrub of the bathroom at 2AM … Leonard … 2AM … I told you not to invite that woman to dinner… inexplicable relationship … however was poor form humiliating you publically like that … "

Leonard let in a sharp intake of breath and his hand fell from his face as full memory flooded him and the events of the previous evening and past weeks returned in painful clarity.

He remembered now.

"Oh, God," he moaned.

Penny.

He loves her. Beyond all measure. He loves her.

But she doesn't love him.

She broke up with him at the bowling alley. Not privately, but in front of all his friends. They had all travelled together in his car. He stood there numb and staring, outside on the street in the dark, feeling as if he'd been gut kicked. Howard making call after call to find her, to see where she ran off to, to see if she was safe. And later, much later, as he stood silently staring into the night, she finally returned Howard's call. She had taken a cab. Someone took his car keys and put him in the passenger seat and drove him home.

A few weeks pass and he pretends that there is some basic level of functioning and normalcy. Impossible to do when your heart is shredded. He's not good at faking it. He's lying when he says, "I'm over it." His friends don't believe him anyway.

And then he receives Penny drunken invitation and they engage in nightlong rodeo sex. His hopes dashed and his broken heart crushed – again – when she told him it was all a mistake. He should have known better. He had made a fool of himself in front of Leslie Winkle. After, he sat alone in his car drinking vodka and when that was gone, he started on the vile tasting whiskey. He then stumbled to Penny's door and embarrassed himself in front of her.

"Oh, God. I am such an idiot!" Tears begin to burn his eyes. Leonard mentally scolded himself, 'don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.' But the command is meaningless and is easily overpowered by his anguish. Despite his drunken effort, the tears begin to fall. Somewhere in the distance, he hears someone crying hard, heartbreaking sobs. He slowly realizes that it is himself.

"Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I love her. Sheldon, I love her."

Sheldon momentarily comes into view and Leonard can see the stricken, sympathetic look on his roommate's face. He can tell the larger man is bending over him. A gloved hand covered in latex gently pats his shoulder.

"There. There."

Sheldon straightens and stands at his full height. To Leonard, his faulty eyesight cannot accommodate the position change, and Sheldon's image goes from clear to fuzzy once again. But the tiny effort and genuine caring displayed by his friend does not go unnoticed. His damaged heart swells, causing him to cry even more.

"Thank you, fuzzy Sheldon. That was nice ... fuzzy, fuzzy, Sheldon … fuzzy Sheldon." The words come out in hiccoughing gasps.

"You're welcome, but I've had quite enough. We need to get you off the floor. Focus, Leonard, and help me. Take hold of the commode and pull up while I lift using your jacket."

Leonard threw his right arm then his left onto the porcelain and gripped tightly. He could feel the back of his jacket bunch as Sheldon gripped the cloth tightly.

"Okay … I got this, I got this," he said confidently while not feeling confident at all.

"Together on three. One, two, three," Sheldon counted.

The combined effort got Leonard to his knees once again. The sudden change in position also made his head swim and the room swirl.

Sheldon saw the smaller man go pale and sway wildly. He tightened his hold on Leonard's jacket, keeping him upright in front of the commode.

"Oh no, no. We are not wasting this effort. Take a minute and get your balance."

Leonard nodded his head and began to breathe deeply. He made a tiny retching sound.

"Are you going to get sick again?"

More nodding.

Sheldon kept his eyes squeezed shut and his head turned away, desperately trying not to gag as his roommate began to heave. As much as he wanted to flee, he knew that if he left, Leonard would once again be on the floor. And as difficult as it was for him to tolerate the noise and hear Leonard's agonizing gasps from the painful stomach constrictions, this was much easier to endure than to see him cry.

The intervals between the violent contractions lengthened until there was nothing left to expel. Weakened and exhausted, Leonard's head sagged down. His breathing returned to normal.

Sheldon took this as a very good sign. "Leonard, are you done expelling your stomach contents?"

The dark curly head nodded.

"Do you have your balance? Can I let go of your jacket and not have you fall to the floor?"

Another nod.

A paper cup of medicinal smelling mint suddenly appeared under Leonard's nose. From somewhere in the distance, he heard the command 'swish and spit.' With a trembling hand, he took the cup. He did as was ordered, extremely grateful for the mouthwash. The cool mint was refreshing and helped to lessen the nauseating bile taste. He crushed the paper cup when it was empty and tossed the ball into the nearby trashcan.

"Ready yourself, Leonard. We're going to stand you up."

Leonard felt Sheldon's right arm go around his midsection and hold him tightly. His left hand was removed from the porcelain and he felt his arm being pulled around Sheldon's waist. His wrist was gripped securely by his roommate's left hand.

"I've got you. Now up."

This time, Leonard was able to find his legs and he stood. However, walking was problematic. His knees buckled and he swayed with every step. But for Sheldon's strength and steadiness, Leonard knew he'd be on the floor once again. He gripped the flannel bathrobe for dear life. Sandwiched together, they stumbled their way out of the bathroom and towards Leonard's room.

"Thank you, fuzzy Sheldon. Thank you. This wazza … wazza … very, very nice of you," Leonard slurred.

Sheldon could feel the contractions start in Leonard's chest. The smaller man began to cry again.

"You know what? Ima been thinkin' … the gypsy … she lied … the gypsy lied … she lied, she lied… I believed her. And she lied right to my face."

Sheldon sighed and rolled his eyes as he continued to haul Leonard down the hallway. He really didn't want to engage in this conversation. No doubt it was another painful childhood memory in which Leonard, failing yet again to blend in with his peers, sought guidance and advice by enlisting the aid of a charlatan professing psychic abilities.

Sheldon sat Leonard on his bed.

"You know, I didn't believe her … I really didn't … I just had kinda hoped, you know?" Leonard said as he looked up at Sheldon, hot tears crisscrossing his face. "… Wildwood … have you ever been to Wildwood, Sheldon? …"

Sheldon shook his head 'no' and surmised 'Wildwood' must be some sort of seaside resort in New Jersey. He stood an arm length away and grimaced as he started the task of slowly and carefully removing the soiled jacket and hoodie. Leonard, docile and compliant, helped by lifting one arm and then the other as he continued with his story.

Leonard rambled brokenly. " … the contacts were new and I couldn't see anything … everything was blurry … and the next thing I knew this guy was in my face yelling at me to stop looking at his girlfriend and I wasn't … I couldn't see … I tried to tell him but he punched me in the face and when I fell he started kicking me … but the gypsy saw it and came out of her store and yelled at him to stop … "

"Leonard, stand. Your pants. You'll want to take them off."

Modesty forgotten, Leonard stood and unbuckled and unzipped his pants and let them fall to the floor.

" … she took me in to her shop and gave me some ice for my face … and then she said she'd tell me my fortune … she read my palm … ", he said as he sat back down on the bed.

Sheldon knelt at Leonard's feet and, after untying the shoelaces, removed one shoe then the other and pulled the pants off from around his ankles. He looked up into his roommate's tear streaked face.

" … you know what she said, Sheldon? She said that I'd always be surrounded by beautiful women and be lucky in love … Oh God … and I believed her … no … no … I mean I didn't believe her ... I didn't … but I want to … I really, really want to …"

"Well, that is a generic platitude that any young man entering his sexual prime would fully embrace."

" … but you know what? … when it came time to pay her … I didn't have any money … whether if fell out when the guy was kicking me or he took it when I was laying there, I don't know … but I was embarrassed and upset when it wasn't there … the gypsy said to check my pocket again … you know how much was in there, Sheldon? … one penny … there was only one penny …"

The word itself brought forth new anguish and, impossibly, Leonard began to cry harder. His body shook with sobs and he covered his face with his hands.

" … there was only one penny … one Penny … there's only one Penny …"

Sheldon stood and considered the situation for a moment, not sure if Leonard was referring to the coinage or the woman. "Well, on the bright side, you did get your money's worth of advice. Leonard, stand and I'll roll back your blanket."

Keeping a steadying hand on Leonard's elbow while his roommate wavered, Sheldon tossed the blanket back.

"Sit. Now lay down."

"… one Penny, Sheldon …," the words were a sob as Leonard settled in bed and positioned himself on his right side. Sheldon pulled the blue comforter over him as his breathing steadied and became regular. He began to blink sleepily.

"Would you like a cool cloth for your head?"

Leonard just nodded.

When Sheldon went to the bathroom to fetch a washcloth, retrieve his roommate's glasses, and survey all the Leonard-caused wreckage, a small thought crossed his mind. As he ran cold water over the ice cubes balled up in the washcloth, he decided to share his thought and subsequent observation as it might bring some comfort to his anguished tier one friend. Once sufficiently cold, he let the cubes fall into the sink, and kept the wet cloth in a tight ball between his hands.

When he returned to the room, Leonard appeared to be sleeping. The tears were still fresh on his face and Sheldon noted a small pool had collected by the corner of his eye at the side of nose.

"Leonard," he said softly, "I've got your cool cloth."

"Thank you, Sheldon," Leonard mumbled sleepily.

Sheldon folded the cloth in half, and starting at the tip of Leonard's nose, slowly unrolled it, covering the smaller man's closed eyes and brow. He gently pressed it into place.

"Hmmm …"

"Does that feel good?"

Leonard nodded. "Uh huh."

"Leonard, may I offer a comment and an observation?"

"Uh huh."

"I don't think your gypsy lied."

"Hmmm?"

"I don't think your gypsy lied. Hear me out. You are and have been surrounded by beautiful, gifted, and accomplished women, all of your life. First there are your stunning and brilliant mother and sister. Given your genetics, it's shameful you aren't more like them. But I digress. Joyce Kim, was lithe and beautiful. And being a spy, she had to have had keen intelligence with a variety of skilled thinking techniques. Catherine, the woman you dated with her doctorate in French Literature, was breathtaking. Leslie Winkle, although thoroughly detestable, was once described by Raj as 'smoking hot.' Stephanie Barnett, is talented, lovely and a gifted healer. As for Penny, despite her many flaws and sociopathic tendencies, has attractive secondary sexual characteristics. And, most recently, you had the company of my friend, the very accomplished Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton. That is quite the tally, Dr. Hofstadter. As for the gypsy's other prediction that you'll be 'lucky in love' well, your story isn't nearly over yet. Judging by the caliber of women you've been able to attract thus far, I'd say that chapter will soon be written."

Sheldon's only response was the deep and regular breathing of his friend.

"Leonard? Did you hear me?"

No response.

"Well. No matter. I'll tell you in the morning along with the multitude changes to the Roommate Agreement and all the cleaning fines you incurred," Sheldon said as he exited the room and turned off the light. "I'll be needing an apology also. Good night, Leonard."

~~The End~~


End file.
